


guilty hearts

by Ffwydriad



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Character Study, Coda to c2e97, Gen, essek has caught a case of the friendships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:34:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22936417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ffwydriad/pseuds/Ffwydriad
Summary: Essek has never been more certain that tonight, he is going to die.Coda to C2E97
Relationships: The Mighty Nein & Essek Thelyss
Comments: 10
Kudos: 223





	guilty hearts

When they’d first met, he’d thought that Jester Lavorre was, in her own way, trying to charm him, to manipulate him. That she was playing up this persona to further her group's goals. That the messages were some insidious kind of torture technique, hidden in the veil of incompetence. 

She isn’t trying anything. She is just herself. 

He’s terrified, but not surprised, as Jester waves to him from across the room. Maybe they have read some tell, but just as easily she has chosen yet another person to latch her inscrutable charm onto. 

He tries to avoid them, in the hopes that they will become distracted by all the other shiny people, but Jester has him in sights, and sits down, socializes with him, all bright eyed innocence and overly enthusiastic smiles.

That’s why he doesn’t notice the poison in his drink, and as his body stiffens, for the first time that night Essek is certain he is about to die. 

They shepherd him out, into the hall, and he knows, now, that they know it is him, even if they refuse to say it. They are arguing with themselves, this wasn’t the plan- they had a plan - and he knows in that moment they did not conspire to kill him for his betrayal, for the crimes he has committed.

He tries to pull away, as manacles clamp down upon his wrists. He feels his consciousness slip from him, for a moment, but he holds steady. 

Caleb holds him by the wrists, his face cold, and Essek sees the eyes of a man with so little trust who has just had it betrayed. He knows, in that moment, that they will tear all secrets from him, and that Caleb Widogast will not hesitate to leave him dead. 

He teleports. He could teleport, with just a word, to anywhere in the world. He’s done it for them. But he steps instead to the other side of the gate, in the hopes of-

“Stop,” Caduceus calls out, and he stops. He stands, still, watches them approach. 

He could run. It would be so easy to run. 

He could run, and leave them behind, but they would tell their story, to the Bright Queen. Essek is certain, that most paths before him lead to death, but it must be better, to die with friends.

It must be, so he follows. 

“I want you to see the sunrise,” Caleb says, and he knows that if he doesn’t say the right words, then he will be dead. But there are no right words, no version of events that does not reveal him for the monster he is, that he has always been. 

He says them anyways, and waits for swords, or fire, or to be turned over to the Dynasty or the Empire which is the worst death he can imagine. 

Caleb kisses his forehead, and he wonders, of all they might have been, if Essek hadn’t been a monster. 

And they forgive him. Without a thought, they forgive him. They present worries, and doubts, but the total, horrid truth falls out and they ask him what else there is, waiting for something they cannot forgive, and even then it sounds like they would forgive that too. 

From the moment they arrived in court, he knew they’d be the death of him, these unknown players holding and searching for the evidence of his deceit. As he grew closer, grew warmer, he knew they’d be the death of him, a fresh weakness in a heart that had been cold for as long as he had ever known. 

They’ll be the death of him, he thinks, as Nott says, “welcome, to the Mighty Nein.”

But it can’t be so bad, to die among friends?

**Author's Note:**

> holy shit guys. and I thought this was gonna be a shopping episode. i have way too many feels and they’re all about parallelism between Essek and Caleb
> 
> im @malaismere on tumblr, always feel free to talk to me


End file.
